It’s not us; It’s you: Breaking up with Capital One

Dear Capital One,

I’ve been rather frustrated with you recently. We originally had the Completely Free Small Business Checking Account which we liked because it was exactly as the name implied. Since we had practically nothing when we first started, this seemed like the best account for us.

Then I got a letter that told us that our account will now be a Spark Business Cashback Checking account, which was more than a name change. We would be charged a $15 account maintenance fee unless we maintained a minimum balance. I think I was most upset with the way you told me. That this account would be the best account for us “based on the way we banked with you in the past.” If this decision were really based on our past behavior, then it should be clear that the best account would be the Completely Free account because there were (and probably will be) times ¬†where we had less than $7 in our account and therefore completely UNABLE to pay a $15 dollars you’d be charging us each month.

We are experimenting with a sustainable for-profit model for community theater. It means that we’ll fuck up a lot and gamble and lose and win. Even though we’re finally at a point where we’re finally getting into the groove, making things work the way we want, and taking this company in a direction that we’re all very pleased with, we simply don’t have the disposable income to pay the maintenance fee. To put it into perspective: The money we’d spend in maintenance fees for a year easily covers the rent for an open mic night or light AND sound rentals for our Rebranding Party or a credit card payment or office supplies for the year (except we’ve never even spent $180 in office supplies). We’d rather use our money.

I’m proud of the progress Creative Motion Players has made last year and I’m excited for the projects we will be tackling this year. We’re moving onward and upward. And Capital One, you’re simply not coming along for the ride. I know you said you didn’t have a type. Clearly your small business accounts are for a specific type of small business. We’re not your type.

Goodbye,

Creative Motion Players